Paula Angelique Hafner

East to West by Casting Crowns

2011-11-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

Pau,

While I do joke way too much and perhaps this was a turn off for your mum, I do take you and her very seriously and perhaps more seriously than anything else in my life. I just wish your mum understood that you were/are our blood and not just hers. I have so much love to offer, but time and life are short.

Love,

Pops

Dunkaccino

2011-11-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

Pau, only in America, pops

R U

2011-11-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

Do you know what flag flies on the corners of Cherry Street, Ben Franklin and 17th in the City of Brotherly Love?

Always,

H

Austrian School of Economics

2011-11-22T16:51:00.001-08:00

Food for thought.

30 % off

2011-08-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

Charlotte Russe is the place to shop!

It's the place to go!

It's the place to be seen!

It's for mothers, daughters, friends.

What are you waiting for, go there now, better yet, just shop online from where you are and have them send all their wonderful products right to your door...

Politics: Senator Kennedy's Funeral Service - nytimes.com

2011-08-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

1,2,3

2011-07-06T13:36:00.001-07:00

2011-06-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

c i a, told you so

Mum the teacher

2011-06-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

Pau,

I never expressed to your mum how proud I was of her teaching and the ideas and beliefs she held.

I recall her interest in Black American history and her ideas of going to the Carribean and voicing father's to pay for their chidlren.

I wish to God you knew how much I admire your mum and her strong will.

There was no one in the world that captured my heart more than your mum.

You will always own more true heart more than any other...

Love,

H

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T16:46:00.001-07:00

Pau,

Did you know that Grant's memiors (sp) are the highest selling of any President and in part cause Mark Twain did the editing.

Where is Grant buried?

Went to the batting cages today and thought of you, wishing there was so much I could teach you.

Started feeling my age when I could no longer swing a bat.

Saw all these father's with their children today and thought of you and all the opportunities missed, but it was not my choice.

Love,

H

I miss mum

2011-06-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Pau,

Saw a whole bunch of films today.

Thought of you and mum.

I always play in my head all the things I really wish I had expressed to your mum.

She may sahy what she wants, but I was in love with her.

I miss her.

Love,

H

2011-06-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Pau,

As I have said in the past, I did not sign the cert. for me or for you, but for your mum.

All I ever wanted to do was fall in love and I did with your mum.

Of course I miss you, as my only blood, but there are no words to express how much I miss your mum and wish she had just helped me to find a way to remain in her arms...

Love,

H

Today

2011-06-14T09:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I get so cold.

She warmed me with her smile and her words.

Some peoople just have the touch.

RFK

2011-06-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Some men see things as they are and say "why"; I dream of things that never were and say "why not"?

Do you really think someone could program themselves or is it just another case of Uncle Sam's doctors at play again?

The other side of the mirror...

Motherhood

2011-06-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

Can a new mother become distraught after a joyous occasion such as the birth of a child? Yes. Is it a brain abnormality or mental disease? No.

Just a thought

2011-06-10T18:27:00.001-07:00

“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it.”

Drew gardens

2011-06-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

Pau,

I worked in a garden today and thought of your grandmum. I recall working with her in her garden at the whatever you call it on the hill. There was a lady from Vienna and it was good to talk with her. I always wished I had been able to work with your mum in a garden of our own one day. There is something about a man and a woman and a garden that makes things complete I guess.

Tend to your own garden.

Love,

H

2011-06-10T05:01:00.001-07:00

Pau,

I would be lying if I said I do not think about your mum all the time, even though I feel I never got a fair shake in this deal.

There was so much I wanted to express to her and so much I wanted her to experience.

Perhaps my adventure and need to experience was problematic though, as I understand through the hardships of life, just how serious and brutal life can be at times.

I miss her and I am sorry for any labeling - that was wrong,

H

The Marketing of Madness: The Truth About Psychotropic Drugs (Part 1/2)

2011-06-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

happy belated 8th

2011-06-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Flushing Easter

2011-04-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

Dearest Pau,

Went to Flushings for Easter. foot massage 20, Japense shampoo 25, accupuncture 45, shushi 30, massage 25, time with you and mum priceless...

I went to see the Fantasticks and thought of your mum, when they sang Try to Remember.

I love everything about your mum, just the way she is, except she would not let me follow my heart in this short life, to be your father.

Always,

H

2011-04-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

Hey Little girl,

Conversations run through my mind all the time about your mum.

I wish so much there could be peace and understanding on both of our parts.

I wish your mum tried to understand the concept of me offering my love to you in your life.

I understand all of your mums needs and concerns, I just do not know what she expected from across the pond other than to offer you another nationality, which serves you no purpose.

I love Grandmother Hafner, Aunt Susi and your mum so much Pau, it was just one way.

Always,

H

First impressions matter

2011-04-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

Pau,

Grandma Hafner was right !!!!!

I went and got a different location to stay last night.

I traveled all over the city getting three shirts for the production.

I took numerious modes of transport and prepared myself along the way and had a really good shot.

The door opened and they took one look at my beard and the door closed just as fast, first impressions make a difference and can make or break you at the end of the day little darling.

Love,

H

Xenia Siamas

2011-04-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

Pau,

Can you believe this is one of my teachers? http://www.xeniasiamas.com/Xenia/pages/ads.php

How goes life in the old world?

Miss you and mum, for what it is worth.

Love always,

H

death and taxes

2011-04-19T11:54:00.001-07:00

Pau,

I wish your mum understood that you were/are my flesh and blood and I was only looking for a way to give to you and your life.

Yesterday was tax day and every year I see the part about you and I have no idea what to do with it without any input from your mum.

I really wish to God your mum had gotten to know me and understand me instead of just using me.

Always,

Pops

Palm Sunday

2011-04-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Pau,

It is very strange to attend Palm Sunday Mass with Terrorist Special Forces inside and outside the Catherdral.

The times have changed so much since before I met your mum.

I was walking down 5th Avenue today and thinking of how I first met your mum.

How I called her name, "Nadine" and she turned to me and answered my question at VSO and how I loved that connection with her.

I am not sure which is harder, being seperated from my only blood or the woman I love...

Always,

H

road to betterness

2011-04-15T13:31:00.001-07:00

An obtainable goal, that may be deterred by booze

unconditional love, faith and hope

an ever lasting bad taste in ones mouth for the sauce

a passion for life

a child to be a role model for

a desire not to give up

reconciliation with past

tackle deamons and brush monkeys off of back

perpetual mind set of innocense

a job worth keeping

good associations

a true conceptualization of a higher being

emotions that don't need to be masked

a lifeguard to be on standby to save the soul from drowning

to not be alone

to love thyself

Family Heritage Award

2011-04-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

I saw Lee Iacocca, U. S. Sen. Mitchell, Martina Navratilova, Joe Torre get inducted today at Ellis Island for their contributions to our country coupled with their families coming through Ellis Island.

One thrid of all Americans can trace their roots thru Ellis Island.

I always wonder if your blood can be traced thru there somehow.

2011-04-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

Pau,

I know your mum does not like to hear it, but it is the truth.

I did and do love your mum, like no other in my life.

I know how emotional everything was and I never in my life meant to hurt anyone, especially your mum.

I would have loved more than anything in the world to be a family and strive for that rosier future and for your mum to be my first, my last and only, etc...

It takes two to tango and it takes two to communicate, but your mum and I could not hear each other at the right time, and for love to stay alive the fire needs to keep burning and that damn Atlantic Ocean put the fire out with its distance and time on your mums part, but not mine.

Love,

Pops

diplomats, death and drugs

2011-04-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

What do the UN, Executive Outcomes and the DEA have in common?

What is a conspiracy really?

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction and it is hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys.

rotten in Denmark

2011-04-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

Pau,

The government says the flights were in the black.

The government aslo says they were using diplomatic pouches.

Something does not add up.

H

Juries hate stings

2011-04-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

Can you say conspiracy?

Can you say entrapment?

DEA has some holes in its story...

we all have our past

2011-04-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

Pau,

The Burgermiesters police laughed when they saw the swastika stamped in my passport from Nepal.

I wondered why they had that nervous laugh.

Perhaps it was the same reason your mum and Aunt Susi had their nervous laugh at me when I told them I worked in a concentration camp giving tours.

It is that dark, hidden, not talked about in front of foreigners past that Austrians find themselves faced with.

That past does not need to be your past though.

Love,

H

from New York

2011-03-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

Pau,

Went on a tour of the NBC studios today at the Rockafellor building.

It is things like this I wish I could have experienced with your mum and her family.

I understood the reliabilitiy and responsibilty aspect your mum needed, but there was also a living aspect and me as a person.

I hope if you should ever conceive a child out of a union with someone that you may appreciate that the child is a part of the other person as well and not just yours.

Anyways, I miss your mum so much, for what it is worth and you and your grandmother and Aunt Susi.....

Love,

H

Greetings from L.I.

2011-03-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

Pau,

It seems I always have so many ideas of what to write to you, but when I get here my mind is blank.

Perhaps my ideas are just not as important as I thought they were.

I saw this film with Juliette Binoche and I thought of your mum and of you.

There are lines I hear now in movies, books or plays that draw me to that far away place in time and place.

I wish so much your mum understood me and the time factor of parenting that I wanted to offer your life or my feelings about your mum and how I wish we had a true foundation of friendship, so none of this would have ever happened and we could have understood each other and respected each other's role in your life, as your birth parents.

Love,

H

2011-03-25T11:53:00.001-07:00

Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit, nach der verlorenen Kindheit, nach der ersten Liebe

Amityville

2011-03-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

Pau,

Always know somehow in your heart that you will always be the most special thing to ever happen to me in my entire life.

I know your mum does not like to hear it, but I love her so much for bringing you into the world and as your mother I will always love her for all the love she shines on you.

You and mum were what I always wanted the most in my life, even though it is what I fear the most, if that makes sense.

My fears were not of your mum or my love for her, but of myself and what I may not be able to offer your mum.

I never had a doubt in my heart about my feelings towards your mum, just for the record Pau.

Always,

Pops

The Angels

2011-03-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

We shall fill innocence

With the strength we have

So long been lacking

We shall never again be alone.

We shall flee rest, we shall flee sleep,

We shall outstrip dawn and spring

And we shall fashion days and seasons

To the measure of our dreams.

A man possessed by peace never stops smiling.

2011-03-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

Pau,

I always love your mum unconditionally for bringing you into this world.

No matter what, you and mum will always be the best thing to ever happen to me in my life.

There are no words to ever express my feelings about everything.

I knew what sort of father I wanted to be for you and your life.

Your mum and her family would just not allow me to offer you my love.

Always,

Pops

2011-03-23T18:52:00.001-07:00

rap + drugs = shot

Spring is here

2011-03-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring to you and her.

It is funny how it took a man like him to get the old alliance back together again.

Frankie and Johnnie offer theirs.

Was he really such a role model if he was crewing around on his wife for a decade at the tax payers expense and why did your mum look up to him so much?

Then the mother explained to the judge, "I am really not sure who the father could be, as I was sleepiong with multiple men at the time."

2011-03-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

Dearest Pau,

Hot, hot, hot...

I understand through third parties that your mum is upset with me.

That is just our own personalities differences.

I would have done anything under the sun for your mum for all my days on earth, if she could only communictate to me on her own.

That was the rub or friction, she could not communicate to me herself, but only through others.

Love,

Pops

2011-03-18T14:01:00.001-07:00

2011-03-11T07:06:00.001-08:00

I think of you.

I miss you.

I love you.

2011-02-25T08:10:00.000-08:00

Pau,

It is not fun for me to say mum blocked me from birth and I am sure it is not fun for mum to tell you her version of the story.

I was always looking for a way to mediate with your mum and to keep the peace.

Aunt Suzi yelled at me the other day, perhaps that is the only way the Hafner family learned to communicate.

I did not travel all this way to fight with anyone ar to just get yelled for not seeing another side to the story.

I wish your mum could understand me as a human being that cares about his daughter and not have all these negative thoughts of the unknown.

Love,

Pops

No place like Home

2011-02-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Feldkirch is such an interesting little place to me.

I love meeting all the people in the shops.

You always learn something new.

I am so happy you can grow up here and experience this place.

I think there is no place on earth I would rather you be.

Love,

Pops

2011-02-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I dont write things to upset your mum, just to offer a little honesty.

I walk around Feldkrich and I find it hard to breathe.

I recall when your mum said that once to me and it is an aweful feeling.

I heard everything your mum said and I took it all to heart, she just did not get to know me well enough to understand me.

I wish your mum would just open her heart enough to ease the pain inflicted in my life.

Love,

Pops

Shopping at Hofer

2011-02-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I went shopping today at the Hofer, www.Hofer.at, it was really fun for some reason. I recalled shopping with your mum and how nice it was just to do simply things with your mum, every day things.

I always think of your mum when I am in Feldkirch, after all I only discovered Feldkirch throuhg your mum.

I sometimes think how my life would be had I not crossed paths with you mum, would I be so depressed and unhappy with my life...

I just know I like bineg amongst these people and community, even if they do not accept me for my differences.

Love,

Pops

words are words

2011-02-17T05:35:00.000-08:00

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and the security of person.

No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibted in all their forms.

No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.

All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.

Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent national tribunals for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the consitution or by law.

No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.

Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights and obligations and of any criminal charge against him.

Everone charges with a penal offense has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to the law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.

No one shall be held guilty of any penal offense on account of any act or omission which did not constitute a penal offence, under national or international law, at the time when it was comitted. Nor shall a heavier penealty be imposed than the one that was applicable at the time the penal offence was committed.

No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and repuation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

2011-02-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Your mum is a good woman. If she had only compromised a little, I would have just remained by her side and we both could have worked towards our goals for each other and for you. It was too much for anyone to go back and forth like that. I wish she knew what it was like for me. You and mum are the two people I love the most in this world and your mum won't even let me express my love to you.

Pops

2011-02-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I wish so much your mum and I could sit face to face and understand one another.

I wish I could help her reach her goals, if I only knew what they were.

I wish we could all just get along as a normal family and share times together and play games and just be a family.

I wish your mum knew just what I wanted in this story.

I wish she could at least offer my life some peace to end the pain and suffering and to just hear me like a human being once.

Love,

Pops

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T01:21:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

The blind old fool, only has eyes for you.

All my life I dreamed and prayed for an adorable child, such as yourself..

You were all my birthdays, Christmas and holidays all put together in one little bundle.

It was only a matter of being allowed to being myself in front of you and offering me some dignity as your father.

I would have loved and honored your mum all my days on earth in return...

Love always,

Pops

2011-02-10T10:39:00.001-08:00

Pau,

I was in the hospital today, getting some blood work doone, and I saw this photo that loked just like your mum in someof her older photos with the same smile and a California shirt on a beach.

I wish your mum knew how much I think of her or all the time, effort and sacrifices I have made to offer you my time.

I wish your mum would just offer a face to face, heaert to heart, instead of acting like this.

How do you have a baby with someone and then pretend to be affraid of them forever?

Something just does not add up.

Love,

Pops

2011-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

Pau,

At the end of the day I think your mum is an amazing person and I would have loved to have todl her I lover her every day of my life and to look into her eyes and really grwo in a mature relationship.

I had too many people telling me how to act and behave to ever be myself coupled with your mum inability to compromise around the fact that she conceived a child with a man who lived in California.

I would have commited to your mum forever and never looked back.

Always,

Pops

2011-02-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Maybe it is some cruel game your mum is playing on me, I don't know.

Somebody must have really hurt her once before she met me for her to take out such anger and hatred towards me.

I keep hearing her words, how she said she would never give up hope that one day all three of us will be together, maybe she meant in heaven...

I wish your mum could live in my shoes just once in this story.

Give mum a big hig and kiss and send my love to her.

Pops

2011-02-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

Pau,

As much as I am angery and upset with your mum, I still love her.

If she only knew of the trouble and stress and effort of me traveling back and forth for you and her.

I understand the money concept, but if she does not communicate I do not know how to compromise to assist her with you.

My personality does not know how to deal with a million mediators in the case.

I need to be able to deal face to face with your mum in order to function and work this out in some fair terms.

Love,

Pops

shade and chia

2011-02-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

Pau,

There are certain songs that make a fellow think of a gal.

Sometimes I get a distant look in my eyes and those who know me know I am thinking of your mum.

For better or for worse, one way or another, she is always on my mind.

Here's the old man checking out a teabag, which I mistook for a chocolate bom bom, which I thought was in order being in your grandfather's home country.

Did I ever tell you how much I love Switzerland?

Always,

Pops

Christina-Taylor Green

2011-02-06T06:22:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Some little girls have their dreams shot sort, like Christina-Taylor Green who wanted to be the first female baseball profressional player.

Sometimes we can pick up the bat and step up to the plate for others and live thier dreams.

I always thought how wonderful it would be to take you to a baseball game and to hear the crowd and experience the rush.

Buy you some peanuts and cracker jacks.

Play ball little girl.

Love,

Pops

profit of bogus drugs

2011-02-06T04:43:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

I was reading about how bogus drugs was a big business in the world, something like a 75 Billion dollar industry, for bogus drugs that do nothing or that actually hinder ones health, paralizes them or kills them.

They are trying to pass legistlation at the WHO to introduce pyschidelic drugs, or should I say expand the use and types of such, for "healthy therapy", as they are with LSD in Switzerland and try to branch out to boxing shaman trippy vines from South America on the shelves of pharmacies.

Even if Homeopathy is a placibo, I would much rather your mum took that than something else.

Please know I back and support your mum 80% of the time and I like and agree with her ideas and the way she thinks, I just dont agree with her blocking my love to you, regardless of her likes or dislaikes regarding me, I only have one life to offer you.

What do you care about any of this nonsense, your just 7 years old, enjoy being a child princess.

Love,

Pops

2011-02-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

I see the passion in your eyes

Sometimes it's all a big surprise

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for

Is the one thing you can't see

Fev

2011-02-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

Dearest Nadine,

I know part of things is a person has certain expectations of partners being like their parents or what we thought our parents were like.

You could never have expected me to be your father, just as I could never have expected you to be my mum.

If you don't like someone's personality, don't tell them you love them or lead them to believe otherwise.

I just don't understand why you ever invited me into the story if you did not care about the emotions I would feel and suffer.

Anyways, regardless of if you are upset or not, I still think of you and miss you a lot.

Wishing you my love at this time of the year and always,

TH

2011-02-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

I asked your mum to marry me. It may not have been the way your mum wanted or expected, but I really, really loved her and would have stood by her for all times in this life. We just never had enough time to really get to know each other and I was so busy between locations and caring my my own mun and transitioning her and trying to stay with your mum and juggling between countries, cause your mum did not help me there or compromise or anything. I understood all the scrifices that needed to be made and I understood the commitment, etc...I think your mum just did not understand what she or you or parenthood or family represented to me at all. I would have loved to spend Christmas as a family and open gifts together and celebrate your birthdays and hide Easter eggs and jump and run and play with you and sing songs and dance, etc....Your mum I think just never saw you as a part of me, you are always a possession to her. There were nuture vs. nature issues, but she did not want me to be a part of your environment of be a part of the person you would become in life. This was our fault for having a child out of wedlock or in a longer standing relationship. I know and understand all the responsibilities of parenthood and a relationship. I know your mum needed things besides what I was sending, but I think she did not understand the distrautness of it all on my end. She said it only hurts you if you let it, but once you hold your flesh and blood in your arms and feed it and bath it and dress it and let it fall asleep on your chest while listening to your heartbeat, it stay with you for ever and your eyes are always looking at me, as they were on the day you were born. And I see your mums face too and I hear her cries and her words and that breaks my heart in two, in a very deeply and profoundly way. I saw your mum at the train tracks and the things she said to me made me cry so deeply. These past seven years have been a nightmare for me and it is still a struggle to wake in the morning and try to get up and do something. All I ever think about is you and how I had my lifelong dream to be a father and to care for you. Don't ever think I did not or do not love your mum, for I do. I think she is so wonderful in everyway. I did not want to change anything about her and I loved just sharing the car with her or a drink. Just to be in her presense filled my heart with so much happiness, I could never express to you. When I went to your mum my heart raced so fast and hard just to be in her arms and see her smile. I just wanted us to sit down once and be open and honest with each other, to be brutally honest and put all our cards on the table. Pau, I wish you knew how much I do love your mum, but our resources would be endlessly wasted apart of fighting or not trying to know each other or our aims or objectives. There is no one I would rather offer my love, time and resources to than your mum. None of this was my choice though, it was all your mums decision, as with everything.

I miss you little angel and I miss your mum. Please give her a big warm hug for me. You will always be the most precious thing that ever happened to me and my life and I love you so much and I only wanted to offer you my time and energy. I don't know what your mum was fearful of, as she could never tell me. That is her problem though and not mine.

Always,

Pops

Black history month

2011-02-03T00:13:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

February is Black history month. I recall how your mum at one time was reading and studing about African America and the civil rights movement.

There are all kinds of wonderful examples of contributions from the African community in America, as elswhere, Maybe you can read about some of these people with your mum, such as Harriet Tubman, Fedrick Douglas, Jackie Robinson, Martin Luther King, Jr. and President Obama.

Remember, the world is black, the world is white together we learn to read and write.

Love,

the old man

2011-02-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

Nadine,

I know I don't need to explain myself to you, especially after so much time has passed, but I do think of you every day.

Remember when you asked me where you would find someone, when I was sitting there right beside you begging you to see me and that I was right in front of you, but anyways, and I said you could find someone anywhere, in a library, in a grocery store, etc...it was not imply the easiness of just anyone, but to note how special you are as a person and anyone would be so thrilled and happy to be with a woman like you, that I could never understand why you would ask such a question...I thought you were the sweetest woman I have ever met in my whole life and I have never met anyone like you. I still think that today.

The happiest time in my whole life was with you and Pau and there are no words to ever express how I feel about you, ever. It is just a mass of emotions. There was just so much I wish I had expressed to you about everything and I wish we could just sit in peace and really communicate from the heart.

I wish there was a bridge to join our worlds.

I hope your well and happy, but of course you must be, you have Pau...my only true gift to you.

Love,

TH

2011-02-02T01:42:00.000-08:00

Hey there Pau,

I know some of your mums friends commented about my adventures through rambling in a not too positive light.

I agree with them in terms of you, and I hope you know some day it was not directed at you, but just a form of expression about my days before I met your mum.

Since I met your mum I see life in a completely different way.

I think of your mum and I worry about her, as I do you and your grandmother and your Aunt, the Hafner's will always be like a second family to me, even though they treated me like an idiot.

There are so many times I wish I could see your mums face and talk to her or walk with her, I cannot speak for your mum or address her wants or needs, all I can say is that from my part, I truely was in love with her, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. It was never a question of my feelings towards your mum, it was the situation which I tried and tried to explain to deaf ears.

Love,

Pops

numbers and lines

2011-02-01T02:34:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Do you and mum play connect the dots?

Can you draw a line straight down then perpendicular from the bottom?

Followed by a perfect circle.

Then from NW to SE and up to NE.

Lastly, a straight line from top to bottom with three smaller lines shooting from left to right at the top, middle and bottom.

Love,

Pops

2011-01-31T11:20:00.000-08:00

Pau,

It was not my desire to sign up to be the worse father in history.

Then again, nothing was ever my decision when it came to your mum and her getting her own way about everything.

January is coming to a close and February is right around the corner.

Did you know that February is typically one of if not the most inexpensive months to fly in?

I always dreamed of being on a plane with you and mum and going somewhere special all three of us could enjoy, as a family.

Love,

Pops

A Father's role

2011-01-31T01:55:00.000-08:00

Pau,

This is your mum's concept of my role in your life.

So if you ever question why I was not in your life, this is why.

Notice the esoteric UNcapitalized sentence.

All my love,

Pops

Dear Mr. Clark.

the adress to be filed, there are no new developments. Please contact the court to get an Emailadress

Bezirksgericht Feldkirch

Churerstraße 13

6800 Feldkirch

Telefon-Nummer +43 (0)5522 302

Fax-Nummer +43 (0)5522 302-400

And transfer money for the alimonys of Paula.

Sabine Mayer-Ellensohn

2011-01-30T01:17:00.000-08:00

Nadine,

I often think of your words and replay them in my head.

You commented on how I don't open up or communicate, when you are the one person I wanted to share my most intimate thoughts with, but you pressure me too much, love is not about demanding, it comes with time.

I hope some day in your own way, you are able to see that we were trying to come around the most emotional subject of both of our lives, our daughter, and in that rush, we never saw each other.

I heard all of your wants, needs and expectation, but you never once listened to me.

I am a good listener, just not use to being endlessly ignored, especially by a woman who invites me to the birth of our child...

Love always,

TH

2011-01-29T14:11:00.000-08:00

Hey Little Darling,

Lesson one for your adult life, never put a job or a career before your family.

If your mum had known me better, she would have understood that nothing was more treasured, sacred and important to me than time with you and her.

If I could be anyone or anything in the whole wide world, it would be to be your father and to offer you my unconditional love.

You will always and forever be the most special and wonderful thing to ever happen to me and my life Pau.

I may not be Gordon Geko with a million dollars in a Swiss bank acct. for you, but I do understand the concept of time being the most important resource we have and that was what I wanted to give to you and what your mum took away from us.

Love,

Pops

Birthers

2011-01-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

Pau,

You know how all these people are curious about Obama's birth certificate. How they cannot just take something at face value, but need to dive deeper.

It is sort of like your mum arguement for my name on your certificate, as if it was more important than me actually being in your life and a part of the person you become.

At any rate, I was at your birth, so I know the truth. You and mum and my love for both of you was way more important than some piece of paper.

Always,

Pops

2011-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

Pau,

c i a offered my number and they offered a minute.

Pops

Be a girl

2011-01-28T06:46:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Some people do some pretty trecherous things to hide the truth or hold onto power, regardless of who they hurt.

It is a very corrupt world in which we live and it is only getting worse.

Hold onto your childhood as long as you can, cause life in the adutl world is cold, brutal and ruthless at best.

Love,

Pops

When you're alone

2011-01-27T22:43:00.001-08:00

Blessed are you when men hate you,
and when they exclude you, and revile you,
and cast out your name as evil,
for the Son of Man's sake.
Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!
For indeed your reward is great in heaven.

Lead a normal life

2011-01-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

It's nice here with a view of the trees
Eating with a spoon?
They don't give you knives?
'Spect you watch those trees
Blowing in the breeze
We want to see you lead a normal life

2011-01-25T05:07:00.000-08:00

N is for natural

A is for always

D is for daughter

I is for innocents

N is for never

E is for ever

2011-01-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

Nadine,

Light blues, pales blues, faded blues and thoughts of you w/ hints and hues and shades of grey and lavander laced trim.

Sometimes we need to die other death to feel again.

Sweet embraces and big warm hugs.

Always,

THom

CCHR: Psychiatry—Labeling Kids with Bogus 'Mental Disorders'

2011-01-23T01:29:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Mum is ok

I am ok.

You are ok.

Don't let 'em label you.

We always love you Pau.

Love,

Pops

2011-01-21T17:19:00.001-08:00

Pau,

Miss your mum lots and lots and lots.

Keep giving her hugs and kisses for me.

I know she loves those from you.

Pops

2011-01-21T04:55:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I sometimes see and think of those yellow ducks floating down the River Ill in Feldkirch.

I see your mums face in my minds eye and her smile comforts me, as I am sure it does you.

Wishing we could all be together and share times in harmony with one another.

Love,

Pops

Swing Little Girl

2011-01-20T07:01:00.000-08:00

*Swing little girl

Swing high to the sky

And don’t ever look at the ground

If you’re looking for rainbows

Look up to the sky

You’ll never find rainbows

If you’re looking down

Life may be dreary

But never the same

Some day it’s sunshine

Some day it’s rain

Swing little girl

Swing high to the sky

And don’t ever look to the ground

If you’re looking for rainbows

Look up to the sky

But never, no never, look down

Inagural address

2011-01-20T05:06:00.001-08:00

Vice President Johnson, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, President Truman, reverend clergy, fellow citizens, we observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom—symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning—signifying renewal, as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three quarters ago. 1

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe—the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of God. 2

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans—born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world. 3

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty. 4

This much we pledge—and more. 5

To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do—for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder. 6

To those new States whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom—and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside. 7

To those peoples in the huts and villages across the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required—not because the Communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. 8

To our sister republics south of our border, we offer a special pledge—to convert our good words into good deeds—in a new alliance for progress—to assist free men and free governments in casting off the chains of poverty. But this peaceful revolution of hope cannot become the prey of hostile powers. Let all our neighbors know that we shall join with them to oppose aggression or subversion anywhere in the Americas. And let every other power know that this Hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house. 9

To that world assembly of sovereign states, the United Nations, our last best hope in an age where the instruments of war have far outpaced the instruments of peace, we renew our pledge of support—to prevent it from becoming merely a forum for invective—to strengthen its shield of the new and the weak—and to enlarge the area in which its writ may run. 10

Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. 11

We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed. 12

But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course—both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind's final war. 13

So let us begin anew—remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. 14

Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. 15

Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms—and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations. 16

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce. 17

Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah—to "undo the heavy burdens ... and to let the oppressed go free." 18

And if a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved. 19

All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. 20

In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. 21

Now the trumpet summons us again—not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are—but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation"—a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself. 22

Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort? 23

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility—I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it—and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. 24

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. 25

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. 26

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own. 27

2011-01-18T01:55:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I miss your mum a lot.

All her broken words got to me.

The love was real on my part and I just wanted to stand beside her, for better or for worse.

When I told your mum that I love her, I meant it.

I did not want her to be anyone else and I did not want anyone else, I love/d her just the way she was and is.

Always,

H

2011-01-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.

Please know somehow that all I love is in Feldkirch with you and mum.

Being seperated from you is a living hellish nightmare for me.

I love you nad miss you too,

Pops

bread, butter and

2011-01-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

u have to spread the butter in the right moment and find the exact amount of nutella.

I miss you

2011-01-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

Hey Nadine,

I know the writing is not fun for you, but how was I suppose to express myself?

You asked me if I would remember you, how in the world could I ever forget you?

You'll always be the mother of Pau.

You'll always be the single most significant woman in the world to me for caring for her.

You will forever be engrained in my memory cells until I am no more.

Love,

H

Switzerland

2011-01-15T03:35:00.001-08:00

il serait scandaleux et inadmissible que l'État ayant un différend avec un autre et de soumettre ce différend à l'arrêt du conseil doivent sentir que les fonctionnaires chargés de la préparation du dossier n'ont pas été actionnés par des sentiments de totale impartialité

Love & Drugs

2011-01-15T01:14:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I saw this moive last night, Love and Drugs. I thought of your mum. There was this scene where a man was talking about his wife and caring for her and how it was so draining and how he says he would not do it again.

I often think of your mum and how I just loved to be able to hold her and comfort her and be there for her, that was all I ever really wanted in the story.

If your mum was sick, I would stand by her and it wasn't about you as much as it was about her. I guess that is what it means, in sickness and in health.

I worry about your mum, as I do you.

I believe more in the power of the human spirit and condition, as I do drugs or medicine, and I care about your mum and whatever fears or concerns she may have and I did and do listen to your mum, as should you. She's a good woman Pau. She's a good teacher. She's a good mother. I love her like no other. I am just not Austrian.

Love always,

Pops

2011-01-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

Pau,

It is the strangest sensation knowing there is this little girl in Austria that consumes me, yet does not know me.

If your mum only knew how much I think about you and her, she would understand the damage done.

I just wish some of her words were true and she did not make me believe in her for nothing.

I miss you,

Pops

Convention on Psychotropic Substances

2011-01-13T03:15:00.000-08:00

The United Nations Convention on Psychotropic Substances (adopted in 1971) requires its parties to prohibit LSD. Hence, LSD is illegal in all parties to the convention. The convention came into force on August 16th 1976. Currently 175 nations are party to this treaty.

Your grandpop's B-day

2011-01-13T02:54:00.000-08:00

Dearest Pau,

Today is your US grandpops B-day.

There is an old story of him being carted on a wagon into your great grandfather's pharmacy in Pittsford, New York to be exchanged as a present that your great Unclue Pete did not want, as the two brothers were born in the same day and Pet was told it was a birthday present. I guess your US grandfather was not such a good little brother.

I remember once I was in Florida, I think in Miami and I was asking a guy about love and he said you will know when you look in her eyes. I think the first and only time I felt that was seeing your mums eyes in the delivery room and then to see your eyes in the incubator afterwards. I will always see yoru eyes looking at me sticking out your tongue, as mum was in the other room. In the back of my mind was your mum and I worried about her, but I was just captivated and marveled by you and your constant stare. You never cried once, you were so peaceful. It was the most profound experience of my entire life. All I could think was to be there for you. I wish to God your mum understood me and what makes me tick. I miss you so much Pau.

Love,

Pops

Validity

2011-01-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

'I know what you are thinking about', said Tweedledum: ' but it isn't so. nohow.'

'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be: but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.'

Disburbing Facts About Psychiatry

2011-01-11T13:56:00.000-08:00

Pau,

As I have always said there are always two stories to every story.

I love your grandmother and Aunt Susi deeply in this life and world.

I never wanted to seperate anyone, cause I love you all so much.

Always,

Pops

Dr Thomas Szasz on Psychiatry

2011-01-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

Pau,

Don't let anyone label you ever. Some of the things your mum expressed to me really hurt me deeply. And I can only imagine that for her to react as she did, that I must have hurt her too. I wish I could be there for your mum to support her and lift her up. I would have been so happy to stay by her side and it just be the three of us, building that rosier future that your mum promised. I miss your mum so very much Pau, it is a daily pain in my soul that I must carry with me all my life, that is why I wish she had never told me cause there is no recovery from the grief.

Love,

Pau

I miss you

2011-01-09T22:07:00.000-08:00

Pau,

How are you and mum doing?

I understand what you mean to the Hafner family, and if you mum had accepted my love, she would understand what you mean to me as well.

That was just it, your mum never saw you as a part of me too.

Love,

Pops

Love is time

2011-01-09T02:16:00.000-08:00

Pau,

You know the off the wall stuff is not really aimed at you, but just the old man venting a bit towards your mum, myself and the world.

All I ever wanted was for your mum to hear me once and know that I do care about her above all others.

I don't know what your mum wanted other than a big house and fancy vacations, as she could never communicate to me, but all I desired was time with both of you.

Love,

Pops

Somewhere

2011-01-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I saw this movie today called Somewhere.

It did not seem to have much of a story line and I could not figure out the ending at all.

There was this bonding between a father and a daughter, which I liked a lot and thought of you at that age in about 4 to 5 years.

Of all the things in my life that I am most blessed about, it is you and mum.

Nothing ever gave me greater satisfaction, pride, joy, happiness or profound meaing as spending time with you as your father, I can still see every gesture and smile and laugh and it was just a constant miracle to be in this world with you and there are no words to ever express how much I love you.

Always,

the old man

2011-01-08T14:38:00.000-08:00

The soul is the seer of all activity of the mind-body complex, and therein ultimately lies the seeds for freedom... We are [in our deepest self] the unseen seer of all phenomenal events. And yet the pain we experience in our more limited perspective paradoxically is to be celebrated, for it is exquisitely instructive, ultimately serving as a 'slingshot' into deeper self-knowledge. In this sense, 'experience' becomes the greatest guru of all, for embedded within it are the conditions not only for suffering but eventual liberation... mundane experience, with its fascinating array of pain and pleasure, tends ultimately toward liberation.

As A Man Thinketh

2011-01-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

Mind is the Master-power that molds and makes,
And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills:
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass:
Environment is but his looking-glass.

State of Affairs

2011-01-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

Pau,

I said Bonn

She said Bern.

I said no, Bonn.

She said Bern.

The games people play, don't be fooled.

Love,

Pops